Just me. 👓

It's normal to not always be happy, anger and sadness are also normal emotions... But what about emptiness? The emptiness that is inside when you feel nothing. I'm not the only one like this, right? I don't understand what's wrong with me. This has been going on for a long time, I know that this is not normal. Honestly, I have don't care about everything, about the people around me, about myself. I wash and eat just to meet the requirements of others, if I were given the opportunity and left alone, I would never go out into the street, I would just lie and do nothing until I rot. I understand this is not normal, but I don’t know what to do. I laugh, but sometimes I catch myself thinking that this is not real laughter. I have many masks, like all of us, but I don’t know where the real “I” is. I'm not even sure there is a real "me". Do I exist? The past will never let me sleep peacefully. I don’t have the opportunity to turn to a psychologist and there is only one person to whom I can tell about my feelings, I love him and am grateful that he is with me, because this is my only reason to live... Believe me, if it weren’t for him, I would have been gone for a long time, he talked me out of perhaps the worst thing I could do with my life - interrupt it. And at the same time, I don’t want to burden him with my problems, every time I talk about my feelings it seems to me that I’m just whining like a stupid child. That's why I usually keep quiet. But here no one knows me and I can tell.