Recollection 2

So the damage started pretty soon too. His tests of me seeing if I'm loyal. He's chaos acting, me taking revenge over it and more. Things started getting worse when he'd suddenly just turn ways and act like he doesn't know who i am and all grumpy. He still does. Sometimes i had my drama Queen effects on so he went haywire and Sometimes i didn't do anything yet he went haywire. When it was my fault, I'd be crying, begging for forgiveness and doing everything i could to get him back, that includes creating new accounts and asking our friends for help too. But when it WASN'T my fault, i lost it. I thought he died, got into an accident or his mother died. He loves her a lot. Being the Over thinking Analyzer i am, i tried to figure out each of my fault, rach possibility of his death or inconvenience of the situation. From days to weeks just to hear he just lost his mind and he has a couple of few personalities. At first it was just like he doesn't know to control his emotions and they last too long so becomes a different person for a while. But then came the change. As every time he turned his back after saying no matter what he says, he'd never stop loving me and wouldn't ever leave me, started breaking me. Then his returns gave md back all my hopes that he'd keep his words. I saw my flaws brightly cuz i saw him getting hurt by my recklessness. So i changed step by step to for him and to insure that he doesn't get hurt by me or my words while also teaching him how to navigate his emotions better. Things were getting better and worse at the same time. We started understanding ourselves and eachother better. Started being more mature and senseful. But in between our chaos was huge. After valentines he just went shut. Forc2 whole months. I can't explain how horrified i had become. I'd even use tracker to see if he is alive, his college news, give his numbers to my friends to see of he is alive or not cuz, we live in different countries with exclusive society so if i had contacted police and he was alive then his whole career could be ruined. The sleepless nights of me crying, begging god to keep him safe and that give me death before hearing he died. Was a daily routine by then. He returned and said he had amnesia. Then later said he doesn't know what drove him into doing all these. He had exams at that time too. But still, it's not necessary. He was doing better so i trusted him. Although i must admit i couldn't imagine living without him at that time. He meant everything to me. He'd wrote poems for me, loveky qoutes and motivating things that i was never told. We always had our busy life filled with studies, work, family and responsibilities. Both were expected to be their dream child even if it was out of our capabilities. We still tried. With time our free time and connection started going weak. The way he'd actually care and love by himself was fading. Idk what was in his heart but i never stopped. He didn't had friends irl or vrl but after i brought him to discord, he did and found better friends in college too. I was jealous tbh- him spending more time with them and not me. I was jealous of his mother too since she was close to him. He was also jealous if i spoke to literally any other person or like even a character. My development was fast and strong while he...like 30% ig? Idk. We made art works together on Pixai since i joined in. They were awesome. He had his style i had mine. Although i hate same thing repeat i really liked his outfit choices and character details. He is a detailed person yk. While i was the simple yet creative one. There were times we couldn't talk to eachother for days due to work, issues and family but we tried our best.