Ocean memories (Life reflection)

This might be heart touching plus breaking so buckle up (Not sure how water is bright blue in night sky this time?) Sometimes i really do forget how much i went through life, heh- i forget what i thought last second either so..yeah- dementia Queeny award goes to ME- so, looking at others Sometimes it hurts, some might call it jealously or insecurities but in my eyes i just see it as pain. Seeing happy families, happy friends, happy lovers. It hurts, not always but it does. Who doesn't want to have a family where you can talk to them, feel safe and loved? Who doesn't want friends who got your back you go adventure life with them? Who doesn't want a person who'd hold their hand, bring flowers and you can just stay near them and enjoy? Who doesn't? My life in this box. A phone yes, outside i am just trying to stay alive and shut unless i am off limits. I can be very patientfull yk? Now while aching and trying to get the things i want with sacrifice, efforts and genuine care and i don't get it..and see others who get it with much different ways i just break down. Life why life is so unfair with me? My mind doesn't stop till i genuinely find something that flips my thoughts and i do a self reflect then say, "gal you been through this before and u must use whatever u think in your head irl" then i figured, everyone isn't looking for what i am looking for, everyone doesn't need what i need. So..i need to respect me and them too. Not always would my efforts win the price but I'd at least, win experience and prepare, built and become the one who'd actually be capable of having and keeping those opportunities. Either way, everyone deserves respect and must be seen, not judged for benefits. I've chosen to fade away from some lives to ensure their and my peace accordingly. The rest welp, yall are stuck with THE musical YAPPER GAL MUHAHA...either way, see ya!