21st

*after seeing both the episodes would come out after 10 pm* _EmOtIoNaL dAmAgE_ some fella mosquitoes went in my net so, sleeping was not done. Skincare? I didn't had the energy so, did it in the morning. I'm not lazy i just have wayy too much stuff to handle than my capabilities yk.. had too much to deal with today aswell. My mind is so stuck i don't wanna do anything. Expecting something feels like a crime too. Buried my hopes and desires cuz, empty is better than pain. If i get it, nice. Otherwise, i ain't putting hope anymore. My hard work and choices, led me to accept the pain and fate. Forget it. Being a diamond comes at a cost. People took me for stones, still do. Sometimes, just recreating the past with memories that useto heal my heart, feels like those movies with bad ending and good scenes. Can't feel them anymore. Tears are gone from my eyes and soul doesn't need validation. My family calls me cruel, rude, disgusting and whatnot. Just staring at myself tells me, you sacrificed everything for what? To become a grown up with no heart? To get your heart shattered into hundreds of pieces? To see kindness leaving your soul? To see the world as the cruel and inhuman entity? Idk. Do i wish to go back in my childhood? Never, although i am different now, the past that was much more horrible than what i am living rn would never be my choice. I rather chose death than this life. Others have memories, friends, people and things they can live with, for me everything feels ridiculously temporary and fake. How am i supposed to live like this? Idk. I don't want to do. This year, I'd turn 20. The age i wanna die or escape from everything. This is the last year that I'd give a shot. Actually, how would i? I can't even live as a human. So, just living in my dreams since there's no life to live in.