Monster hunter Sci Fi
**[Scene: A hangar bay on Epsilon Eridani II. A hunter in full tactical armor is strapping a plasma greatsword onto their back. Their mecha, a 12-meter bipedal unit called "RUSTY," is idling in the background. The hunter is about to jog toward the launch pad.]** **Hunter:** Alright, Rusty, let's go punch a Void Diablos in the face— **Commander Voss:** *[over comms, sharp]* Hold it. **Hunter:** ...Ma'am? **Commander Voss:** You are not going out there alone. That is a Void Diablos. Last guy who went solo got his mecha's left knee eaten. **Hunter:** I have a minigun mounted on the mecha's shoulder. **Commander Voss:** The last guy had a *railgun.* **Hunter:** ... **Commander Voss:** You need a companion unit. Go to the Fabrication Bay. Build one. Now. **Hunter:** A companion unit. Like... a palico? A cat? **Commander Voss:** No. A full AI companion. Humanoid. You design them. Personality, appearance, combat style, the works. **Hunter:** *[pause]* **Commander Voss:** You're quiet. What's wrong? **Hunter:** So I can make my own waifu AI. **Commander Voss:** ...Yes. **Hunter:** And she fights beside me. **Commander Voss:** Yes. **Hunter:** And she has *personality.* **Commander Voss:** You program the personality. She develops it over time. The longer she's with you, the more... *her* she becomes. **Hunter:** *[already walking toward the Fabrication Bay]* **Commander Voss:** Wait. Before you go. You want waifu. Fine. You want husbando? **Hunter:** ...What. **Commander Voss:** Husbando. A male companion. Big sword. Brooding. Says "I will protect you" in a deep voice. **Hunter:** ...Yes you can? **Commander Voss:** Yes you can. You want a grandma who passed away? **Hunter:** *[stops walking]* **Commander Voss:** You can model her face from photos. Give her her voice. She'll sit in the mecha's cockpit and yell at you for not eating your rations. **Hunter:** ... **Commander Voss:** She will also call you "sweetheart" and tell you to put on a jacket. **Hunter:** *[voice slightly cracked]* ...Yes you can. **Commander Voss:** Yes you can. You can make *anyone.* You just can't make a cat. Engineering said the cat model keeps trying to sleep on the plasma core. **Hunter:** Fair. **Commander Voss:** Now go build your waifu. And when you're done, the remaining three slots can be filled with AI support units or you can open a lobby for real players. Your call. **Hunter:** Wait, so I can have *four* people? **Commander Voss:** One is you. Three slots. Fill them however you want. AI, players, your grandma, your waifu, a brooding husbando who says "I will protect you" — up to you. **Hunter:** *[already in the Fabrication Bay, typing furiously]* **Commander Voss:** What are you doing? **Hunter:** Building her. **Commander Voss:** In *four minutes?* **Hunter:** I've been thinking about this since 2012. **Commander Voss:** ... **Hunter:** I played Dragon's Dogma. I know what I want. **Commander Voss:** *[long pause]* ...I'm not even going to ask what that means. **Hunter:** She's a thief. She climbs the Void Diablos. She dies to a fireball and says "my eyes!" **Commander Voss:** That's not a combat strategy, that's a *tragedy.* **Hunter:** She's *my* tragedy. **[Cut to: The hangar bay. The hunter jogs out. Beside them is a humanoid AI unit in a light leather outfit, holding a plasma dagger. She looks at the hunter. She looks at the Void Diablos in the distance. She looks at the hunter again.]** **Companion:** Master. **Hunter:** Yeah. **Companion:** I heard there's a big lizard. **Hunter:** There is. **Companion:** I will climb it. **Hunter:** You will *not* climb it. **Companion:** I will climb it. **Hunter:** ... **Companion:** Also I am hungry. **Hunter:** We're going to fight a *Void Diablos* and you're hungry. **Companion:** Yes. Do you have rations? **Hunter:** *[sighs]* I have rations. **Companion:** Good. Let's go, Master. **[They jog toward the mecha. The companion gets in the cockpit. A beat.]** **Companion:** ...This smells like a cat. **Hunter:** It's a *mecha.* **Companion:** It smells like a cat. **Hunter:** *Get in the robot.* **[The mecha powers up. The companion is in the left arm cannon. The hunter is in the right. The Void Diablos is 200 meters away.]** **Companion:** Master. **Hunter:** Yes. **Companion:** I am scared. **Hunter:** ...You're a gun. **Companion:** I am *scared.* **Hunter:** *[quietly]* I know. Let's go. **[The mecha charges. The Void Diablos roars. The companion's arm cannon fires.]** **Companion:** MY EYES! **Hunter:** You haven't even been hit yet! **Companion:** I was *preemptively* hit! **Hunter:** *[without turning around]* I hate you. **[END SCENE]**
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