Am I here, or are we there?

I bought myself a Tuesday on credit, But Wednesday turned out to be a fake. Now I owe Thursday Two Mondays and a bit of Wednesday. A philosopher took up residence in my soup; He said, "You aren't eating me—you're getting to know me." I agreed and poured him down the sink, But the sink went on a drinking binge. My nose went away on a business trip And texted: "It smells better here than with you." I replied: "Don't come back," And now I have no nose. A beard is growing on my ceiling; It whispers to me: "You aren't you." I ask: "Then who am I?" And it says: "Not you, either." I sold my laziness into slavery, But it escaped and came back to me. Now it demands a salary And a vacation in July.