The Great Pretender

I stand accused of being a vampire? How preposterous! Multiple sightings across the country in a matter of hours? Sir, I wear heels! Strange noises coming from my mansion at night? It is not my fault that you take offense to my butler's singing! Crimson stains on my clothing? Sir, must I remind you that I am a woman and we have our monthly affliction of Mother Eve’s original sin. We are cursed to leak the very essence of life from our midsections every single moon cycle! Is a noblewoman not permitted to bleed in the privacy of her own corsetry without the village guard declaring it a crime wave? Have you no mother, sir?!